We were all exhausted, & when it was bedtime, I went to sleep on the bedroom floor, as usual. I was happily snoring away in no time, however, Papa decided he needed to use the loo before he went to sleep.

Mind you, it was very, very dark, and Papa was a little pixillated, truth be told. (It was New Year's, after all...) but he accidentally stepped on my foot and startled me out of a deep sleep.

Well, Oh Best Beloved, (as Kipling would say) what happened next was not far from a "Just So Story". In my half awake state, and feeling a tad threatened, my instinct took over and before I could stop myself, I had lept up and taken two very smart "snaps" into Papa's groin area.

Papa shouted and cursed, and Mama woke up screaming that Papa had woken her, then she jumped up and turned on the light. Papa was not able to move, at that point, and when the light came on, he appeared ghostly white, and kind of sweaty and clammy. Papa was not wearing pajamas, and there was blood everywhere. All in all, it was not a pretty sight, and I knew that I was probably an ex-bulldog.

Mama had me neutered when I was just a lad, and although I have always resented it, I would NEVER consider doing the same to another bloke, not even me Dad. But there he was, with a rather unfortunate bit of surgery, thanks to me.

My humans run with a very liberal crowd, and some have body piercings that would make Dennis Rodman blush, but Papa had never had any intentions for that sort of piercing, and certainly not performed by a bulldog.

Fortunately for me, my humans had no plans for having any children,(just puppies and kittens) and I think that was the deciding factor in my narrow escape from euthanasia.

I bow humbly to Kody, and all of you diabolically destructive dogs. I was unable to put a price on the damage that I did to me poor dad, so I have no way of comparing my destructiveness to yours. We shall have to leave that to the two-leggers to decide.

Humbly yours,

Uscar (a/k/a Chubbie)